Mind Matters

“You ever  been in a tragic accident?”

“Nope.”

“Ever been in and out of any life threatening situation?”

“Nope.”

 “Watched a friend die?”

“Nope.”

“A childhood without love and care?”

“Nope.”

“Had a pet that you were made to give up forcibly?”

“Nope”

“Have you had the pain of not wanting to let go but still left with no other choice than to let go?”

“Uh, Nope.”

“Are you dying due to an  incurable disease?”

“The last time I checked, No.”

“A heart break of any sort?”

“Not even close.”

I remember talking to myself three months ago.  Not just myself, but with my heart in particular. She continued.

“You must be either mad or simply over confident or both.”

“Why do you say that?!” I enquired, slightly taken aback.

“Listen Missy, you wanted to write. But you lack inspiration.”

“What?” I was still perplexed.

“Words should not be made compulsively. It has to pour out of you, instinctively. It needs to come from here. From the heart. But your heart is very much EMPTY.”

“But, I blog regularly and I’ve written for my school magazine. Daddy says I’m good. Maa says I’m good.”

I was still very much perplexed. She knew I was beginning to have doubts. She carried on withe a higher level of dominance.

“Listen , writing for blogs and small magazines in one thing. But a book is a huge commitment. It needs inspiration. It has to reflect something that has had an adverse effect on your life. It’s all about the feels. Trust me and do something productive. This is probably not what you are meant to do. Accept who you really are.  Turn back when it’s still not too late. Trust me. ”

I fell back, shattered. My dreams crashed and fell right before my eyes. I believed she was right.  

I had let my heart take over my mind.

The three months that followed were the most emotionally traumatic days in my teen life. I was constantly complaining about everything. Even the slightest discomfort would magnify as a huge irritation. I was in a crappy mood 24X7, always angry and irritated. My friends were beginning to worry. I pushed them away. I hardly laughed or smile. My parents were kind enough to let me pass through that phase without pouring  advises that I did not need.But pushed them away too. In other words, the people closest to me got the worst treatment. But I hated myself more than anyone else.

Actually, I couldn’t sort out my feelings. I never understood why I changed. I never understood why I was constantly angry (the anger, most of the time taking its toll on my brother.) And then I heard a word that changed the entire scene.

Self Pity.

It hit me hard. I was letting my heart take over my mind. What was I doing? Where had all the education gone? Why wasn’t I asking my mind’s consent yet? What was I doing?

And I was saved. I had answers to all the questions she had asked me. I had it all in my brain.

“You ever  been in a tragic accident?”

“Lily and James at the Godric’s Hollow. Nothing else has shaken me that much”.

“Ever been in and out of any life threatening situation?”

“Year one to Seven.”

 “Watched a friend die?”

“Year Four. Cedric Diggory at the Triwizard tournament.”

“A childhood without love and care?”

“I know Heidi by heart. And I grew up with a boy who lived in a cupboard under the stairs. ”

“Had a pet that you were made to give up forcibly?”

“I still cry on reading The Black Beauty, even though it’s the hundredth time. Hagrid letting go of Buckbeak is also the same.”

“Have you had the pain of not wanting to let go but still left with no other choice than to let go?”

“I ship Snily forever.”

“Are you dying due to an incurable disease?”

“The Last Song. My most favorite contemporary American work ever. ”

“A heart break of any sort?”

“Dude, I’ve been a Daniel Steel addict since age thirteen!!”

She was now silent. I felt dominant over her again. I defeated the weakling with all that I had in my mind. I was back.

They tell us follow the heart. They tell you to listen to it. They are wrong. The heart misleads. Its blinded by fear and emotions. It does not dwell on facts. Sometimes, we need facts to give us the strength and courage to move forward. The mind helps you with that. It works things out logically. The results can be amazing. My mind taught me that you don’t have to undergo things to feel them. I’ve never had any interesting experiences, and yet I felt everything so deeply. I still feel things very deeply. I’m glad I did not let my heart take over. I was glad I had a sound mind.

Whenever there is a contradiction between the heart and the mind, I give my mind the Veto power.

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