How to Be An Indian Girl-In Thirteen Easy Steps

Disclaimer: This post was not created on personal experience. It is basically collective experience. The author does not regret stating any of the following. If you find any of them disturbing, the author doesn’t give a damn about your state of denial.

So, Shall we begin?

Hey there darlings!

I am going to show you how to be a perfect Indian Girl. (Applies to NRIs as well)

Step 1: Be born a girl with Indian ancestry. Society, parents, aunts and your uncles will simply adore you.

Step 2: Β By the time you can walk, learn dancing. (however, you shall not dance in weddings and stages once you cross the age of twelve because good girls don’t dance in public.)

Step 3: By the time you can talk, learn carnatic music . (However, you shall not sing aloud in the presence of non family members, It’s just not good for the family’s reputation, you see.)

Step 4: Start Kindergarten. Don’t talk to boys.

Step 5: Once you start middle school, it is essential that you stop cutting your hair. Study well and ace all the science and maths test. It is also essential that you start your kitchen lessons. Don’t talk to boys.

Step 6: In high school, make sure you take up a science stream. Go to school with a greasy oily braid. No, if there is not enough oil in there to make french fries, your hair is a mess and you are a rebel. Also, don’t talk to boys.

Step 7: Take up medicine or engineering or Law as a college degree. Art, Humanity and literature aren’t subjects and the poor souls who graduate in it aren’t people. Learn to cook like your mother. Note that your college degree is of no use if you can’t make a proper dosa that looks golden brown and is in one peice. Oh, and don’t talk to boys.

Step 8: Get married. You should not have talked to boys all along your life but you should be able to build a good rapport with the new stranger you will be living with.

Step 9: Get pregnant. Have a Baby.

Step 10: If it’s a girl, go to step 1 and repeat.

Step 11: Be a mommy with a university degree whose main job in life now is to change your baby’s diapers.

Step 12 : Have more babies.

Step 13: Die.

Cheat code:

On Popular Demand, the author has decided to disclose a top secret cheat code. Go to step one and do as follows:

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Step 1: Be born a Boy.

Hope this tutorial helped.

Yes, I meant everything I wrote,

Bala.

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1 Comment

  1. Oh Krishna … *laughing hysterically* spot on Indian child rearing! Don’t talk to boys … if you are talented, you’re not to exhibit yourself in public…seen thousands of these scenes and you wrapped them up in a neat post, honey. Excellently written *still laughing*

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