A Ten Step Guide to Understanding Girls.

Alright, we all know this is a hot topic!!

So, without any further rambling, let me get straight to the point.

10.  You know what they say about body language is key? Well, when it comes to understanding girls, FACIAL EXPRESSIONS are the key!

Let me explain this a little bit further.

One eye brow raised = I do not agree with you but I know I’m awesome and I’m just going to ignore you and give you another chance to change what you said, because I’m pretending like I don’t hear you and it’s for your own good.

Both eyebrows raised and a deep stare right into your eyes = You are Dead. Start writing your will.

Rolling Eyes = Your so dumb, I don’t even care to listen or pretend to listen.

Sarcastic Smile With A know-it-All nod = You are asking for a fight. I don’t know what you meant but you are going to be ripped into pieces. That smile? It’s the calm before a storm. Get some shelter! A tornado is about to hit you.

9. We love compliments. ONLY If it’s of the right amount. Believe it or not, girls have an inbuilt radar, that would tell us if you are drooling or admiring. YES, There is a difference !!

8. Get some sense of fashion.

Learn to say ‘Fuschia’ instead of ‘Pink’.

Learn the difference between ‘summer’, ‘spring’ and ‘winter’ collections.

Learn the differences between matte and gloss.

And if you know she is into Mac Lipsticks, understand what ‘frost’ ‘cream-sheen’ ‘satin’ or ‘amplified’ mean and learn to understand the pain she takes to straighten and curl her hair without burning her forehead.

Appreciate her for it.

7.  We forgive,but we never forget.

Read, never ever ever!

Never!

So you better not cross the line, because her good opinion on you once lost, is lost forever.

6. Learn some texting etiquettes.  (Sometimes, I feel like I could write a tutorial on this, sell it on Amazon and make millions. Such a potential market, I’m telling you.)

5. This one is a myth buster.

The biggest lie that has ever been around, is that girls are dramatic. And in my opinion, that is a load of crap. Boys CAN BE equally dramatic.

Don’t believe me?

Grab the cell phone of a guy you know, that has been recently friend zoned.

I swear to God, you will be able to make a Taylor Swift song out of his recent text history.

Contrary to what you believe, we don’t have time for that! Girls like a simple straight forward conversation as much as you do.

Are you upset, angry or depressed?

Yes or No?

If Yes, explain why in a brief answer that does not exceed three crisp sentences.

Is she upset,angry or depressed?

Ask her Yes or No.

If Yes, Let her explain why in a  brief answer that does not exceed three crisp sentences.

Done and Done!

But if you are going to get all soup boy on her and write long shitty verses that are horrible enough to end up in a masala movie, you are in an absolutely hopeless hopeless mess.

(WARNING: This rule applies IF and ONLY IF you are NOT romantically involved with the above said girl. If you deal your wife or girlfriend the same way, the author is in no way responsible for your soon-to-be-broken relationship. T&C Apply)

4. DO NOT EVER choose a cricket match over her. I mean, I don’t care if she’s your crush or your best friend or sister or your girl friend or wife. NEVER EVER Choose cricket over her. You have no idea how cheated on it makes a girl feel. Stop this torture, you heartless wretch.

3. Confidence! I cannot emphasise the importance of confidence. No person can wear something that’s much more attractive than a layer of confidence!

You know how guys always use this line ‘Nice guys get friend zoned’ ?

But they don’t seem to see what’s really happening.

Trust me, it’s not that girls are by default attracted to insolent idiots (well, sometimes, we are.) It’s the strong layer of confidence that is around that insolent idiot that makes us fall for them.

2. Let the girl pay  her bills, if she wants to.

This is something that a few of my friends have reported to have happened. (Yup. Friends who are just as much a feminist as I am.)

Boys are by default, liars and hypocrites. ESPECIALLY when it comes to paying bills.

They say they like a strong independent woman. But the moment a girl chooses to pay, you can see their male ego bursting all over the place.

Listen Mister! You apparently claim that you like ‘strong independent woman’ but you clearly can’t handle one!

1.DO NOT insult the things, books or people that she’s a fan of.

(In my case)

DO NOT insult Harry Potter.

DO NOT insult Mani Ratnam.

DO NOT insult Taylor Swift.

And DO NOT speak ill of book nerds unless you wish to die a very painful death.

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