Friend Zones: A Case Study.

I’m going to try my best to sound as polite as possible with this post.

The ‘Friend Zone’ is often seen as a very touchy and sensitive subject. And more often than not, it causes a lot of gender wars too. I’m a feminist, and I don’t really like the way the dreaded ‘Friend Zone’ is subjected to severe gender bias.

So, what is a ‘Friend Zone’ ?

The ‘Friend Zone’, on gender wise neutral basis, is supposedly when a guy/girl likes a guy/girl, and that person you have feelings for doesn’t like you back.

I was explaining what a ‘Friend Zone’ was to my mother, it was a two hour long explanation and at the end of it, she just asked ‘So, it’s like unrequited love, with a fancier name?’

‘Friend Zone’ and unrequited love are not the same thing! For one, in unrequited love, the person’s feelings are rejected. They are rejected outright and clear.

However, in a  ‘Friend Zone’, the way the person doesn’t like you back is said with a subtle hint such as the following:

‘You know, I really value our friendship.’

‘We’re such good friends, aren’t we?’

‘I hope our friendship never ends. ‘

And then the classic, ‘You’re like  a brother to me.’

There. That was the simplest definition of the’Friend Zone’ that I could come up with. It irrelevant whichever gender you place yourself in.

One of the most infuriating problems with the ‘Friend Zone’ is that it has become a popular phrase for one gender to discriminate against the other.

The most common misconception is that it is more commonly experienced by men rather than women.

Now, that’s very shitty, isn’t it?

It is not only that guys get ‘Friend Zoned’.

GIRLS GET ‘FRIEND ZONED’ TOO.  

Yes, it happens. It’s not a guy thing. So, shut up and stop being so sexist.

*Calms self down to a happy and composed tone*

So, the second most infuriating thing about the ‘Friend Zone’ is the reaction that is so negative and all the horrible comments that come along with being ‘Friend Zoned’

How can you possibly be mad at someone for not liking you back? It’s a personal choice, it’s a lifestyle option, it’s their birthright and it’s frigging biology!

And the way a guy handle this is just unbelievably immature. He simply doesn’t get it. ‘Why wouldn’t the girl like me? I’m nice. I buy her things. I am friends with her friends and her family. That means she must have feelings for me. She must see me in a romantic way. Because I’m a nice guy and I deserve her. ‘

If some one is not attracted to you, it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate you for who you are. Doing things for her and buying her stuff, doesn’t make you an object of romantic interest. It just makes you a nice person.

Also, one person’s not liking you back, is not necessarily a reflection of you as a person. If the girl doesn’t like you back, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you or that you are not a nice person. It just means that she doesn’t see you that way.  It’s science. It’s genetics.

You decide to be nice to people because you want to be nice to them. Doing nice things to someone just because you can ‘do stuff’ with them is cheap.

And now, let’s get to the last thing that’s the most annoying about ‘Friend Zone’, shall we?

You might have noticed that I wrote the ‘Friend Zone’ under quotes every time I did. The reason is simple. The ‘Friend Zone’ is metaphorical and dangerous. It’s a sinking ship. It’s the titanic.

When a guy or girl tells you that you’re ‘like a brother/sister to him’, you have two options.

You can either run, head for a life boat, wave good bye and save yourself.

Or you can choose to stay, keep doing ‘nice things’ for them, just hoping and praying that one day, the person is going to like you back.

You’re going to drown. You’re going to be Leonardo Dicaprio.

Try as you might, you’re never getting that Oscar.

Love,

Bala.

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