Heart breaks can be a very hard thing to understand.
I don’t think I’m at the master level of it yet, but I’ve got the gist of it down and I’ll try my best to pass it on.
Heart breaks are horrible, dispiriting and nastily painful. But they teach us a very valuable lesson.
When you go through a heart break, you realise that there was something that you held so close your heart. And that something, when it ceases to exist, punches a hole through your soul. It rips you apart, shatters your hopes and you recoil into darkness.
What’s quite annoying is that heartbreaks can be versatile. And the versatility is what makes it so complicated and very difficult to understand. You can be heart broken with almost anything.
It could be because you recently broke up with someone or that you had a falling out with a close family member to or it might be because you had to say good bye to a friend. You knew you would miss them, but things were not the same any more and you just had to move on.
Or it could be in work or academic scenarios when you expected something to turn out well, but it didn’t. Or a job that you are having a bad time with or a financial crisis.
It can be any scenario, doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship.
My theory, so far, is that the intensity of pain the heartbreak gives you is directly proportional to how much you cared about whatever caused you that heart break.
There are lots of things that I’ve put effort into, but my heart was never in it and I hardly cared about it when it didn’t turn out well. Yes, I worked for it. But I wasn’t attached.
For example, my final year project. (I really hope my professors are not reading this.) When things got complicated with my project, it was a little hectic, and a little annoying, but I didn’t dwell on it for long.
My heart didn’t break as much as it did with certain other things into which I had put everything that I ever had into it.
Whether it be a story that I was writing, publishing my finished books, my relationship with my friends or my professional dream of getting an MBA, those are the things into which I put everything and I was emotionally invested.
And it is when such things don’t turn out half as well as I hoped they would, that I’d be completely devastated and heartbroken.
If you ask any one who has been through something similar, you’ll know that a heart break, doesn’t just last an hour.
It lasts for a good long while until you find something else to fill that vacuum and emptiness that you were left with.
And until you do, it is hell.
You have this constant void, and a feeling of emptiness, that no matter what you do, it simply won’t fade away. It wouldn’t budge. A heartbreak is a stubborn. It refuses to listen to you, and it demands your attention. It pushes you to a constant state of anger and resentment. Everything you do is pointless, everyone you meet is annoying and everything you hear is dejecting.
The longer the void stays, the larger it grows. It magnifies. It consumes your entire existence and destroys even the tiniest trace of hope you thought you had.
It has been no less different for me. I wake up, every single day, and question the purpose of my entire existence.
Apart from my friends and family who help me when I go through that phase, and put up with me while I am the worst of all that I could be, one of the things that has helped me immensely to get through a heart break is knowing that the reason I feel so devastated is because I put in an awful lot of effort and that I cared a lot.
And that’s GREAT.
Caring and putting effort into something is never going be a bad thing.
Never let the fear of getting your heart broken stop you from caring.
I know this can sound so cheesy and clichéd. But trust me it’s true. Everything that you heard about the light at the end of the tunnel, is true. If you haven’t seen the light yet, it just means you have a small distance to patch. And you can’t really patch that distance if you decide to crash in the middle of the way. You need to get up and march towards it.
After all, the universe is all about balance.
As long as heart breaks are around, there will be hope.
Love and hugs,