Dear Future Daughter,
This is something I never planned to do.
A tiny but powerful incident forced me into writing this. Let me be honest with you – I’m caught up in a puddle of conflicting emotions. This is a letter that is targeted at making two people feel better. You, and of course, me.
I’m 21 years and nine months old as I’m writing this. It’s a rainy September night. And I’m pouring out everything I wish my mother had told me, by this time.
Don’t cringe now. We’re not having “The talk.” This is something a lot more serious than how babies are made. Anyone can teach you that.
This, I’m afraid is something that I as your mother, should tell you about. This is about how heroes are made.
[Disclaimer: I’m use the term hero in the most gender neutral way possible.
In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a writer.
I write, not with the hope to get published someday or to become a millionaire. I write, because it’s only when I write my way out of bad situations that I can gather my thoughts about the world and the people in it, in as coherent a way as possible.
As you grow up, honey, you’ll meet boys.
Lots of boys, who’ll tell you how beautiful your eyes look when they glisten under the sunset. Don’t trust your heart with him.
You’ll meet people who tell you they find your innocence quite charming. Well, stay away from them. If they’re going to confuse between kindness and innocence or good manners with naiveness,chances are that they simply think you’re an easy target.
And then some others will come, who say you are beautiful and smart.They’ll make you feel special and I’m not going to lie, you’ll probably love the attention as much as I did. Enjoy the spot light while you have it, but honey, don’t trust your heart with them either.
In short, don’t trust your heart or your mind with anyone who sees and falls for your sparkly diva self.
Trust it with someone who saw you, when you were invisible. Someone to whom you can rant about your craziest dreams, your wildest desires and your dirtiest secrets.
And if you think you haven’t met anyone who is worth your heart, your precious little heart with its precious little dreams yet, you’re right.
I was raised with openness and courage, just as much as you were. My parents told me that I have the right to fall in love with anyone I want.
But what they didn’t tell me, is this.
If you have the right to fall in love with anyone your heart wants, you also have the right to choose to not fall in love at all. Not just you, everyone has the right to stay out of love, if they want to. And it’s nobody’s bloody business judging people based on their romantic history.
I wish I someone had told me what I am about to tell you now. If you don’t want to fall in love – that’s completely okay as well. You have the right to choose what you do with your heart, honey. Don’t let anyone judge you for that.
Something happened today that made me write this.
There’s this girl I used to know, honey. She was raised by two very intelligent people who loved her with all their hearts and raised her like a princess – although they were no King and Queen themselves. And one day, as it so happened, this girl had to leave home – a thought that terrified her that she had to cry herself to sleep every night.
She thought she had made friends in the sudden and new environment she was pushed into, until she walked into a group of girls talking about her – bad things of course – behind her back. Worse thing was that they didn’t even know she was there all the time. It hurt her to think of all the horribly cheap things a bunch of people she trusted would talk about her, in her absence.
She was at first, shocked. Shell shocked.
But what she did later, surprised me.
She did not react. She did not get angry. She just told herself that it was stupid to believe that everyone would have the same decent upbringing that she did. It wasn’t fair to believe that everyone’s parents would’ve taught them to speak their minds fearlessly and openly to people. Not everyone was raised to respect the fact that bitching about people in their absence, was a shameful and cowardly act.
This girl, who has a past record of easy emotional break downs, a social reputation of being a child trapped in an adult’s body, did something that the so called matured group of girls weren’t able to do. She had the courage to not care about anything they said, because she knew deep down that crap told by crappy people are nothing but crap.
What mattered was not the shallow perception of people she had known for hardly a few weeks. What mattered was if she believed them, or not.
At this point- if you’re at least half as smart as I hope you’d be – you probably would’ve guessed who that girl was.
So what I wanted to tell you, is this.
Watch out for boys – they’re dangerous.
But watch out a lot more cautiously for girls – They’re fatal.
This is perhaps the reason why half the world is held back. We talk about domestic violence,we talk about acts of violence inflicted on women by men, we talk about rape and female infanticide.
What we don’t talk about is how women hurt other women – which is probably the cruelest form of emotional harassment that there is.
How we judge each other so very easily, and so terribly wrong. And once we know we made a mistake, we don’t have the nerve to look at that person in the eye and apologize. How we keep saying mean things about each other, and cover it up with a cowardly ‘It’s good for her that she knows her flaws’ phrase when caught bitching.
It’s not nice, and it’s not cool.
No matter what you go through, no matter how hopeless things seem, promise me that you’ll never be one of them. And if you turn out to be that girl I just told you about if you ever feel victimized, promise me you’ll never let anyone make you feel inferior.
So many people in this world, don’t know their own worth. It makes me so sad and depressed when I see. I don’t want you to be one of them, honey. People throw rocks at things that shine. That doesn’t mean you quit shining.
Bitches will keep bitching. That doesn’t mean you bitch back at them.
You’ll meet arrogant cowards and sometimes you’ll be forced to fit in. That doesn’t mean you lose your chivalry.
Remember that heroes are made from scars. Great disappointments make great stories, darling. Write yours fearlessly.
As a girl, you need to know that you have to stand up for your own population.
It’s not about backstabbing. It’s not about talking shit with each other. It’s not about competition.
It’s about insecurity.
And I feel nothing but pity for those who do that. There’s no reason why someone else’s charechter or attitude should disturb you so much. My mother taught me that kindness and courage are the two most important things that a person – be it a boy or a girl – needs to carry around with them.
It’s how you rise above them, not giving the slightest amount of damn about it, and not letting it affect you, that’ll matter in the end.
This was supposed to be a very short letter, sorry I wrote almost thousand five hundred words already!
I’m going to turn off the lights and go to bed now with a final piece of wisdom.
Remember the wise words of Taylor Swift, sweetheart.
No matter what happens in life, be good to people. Because being good to people is such a wonderful legacy to leave behind.
P.S. If by a nasty plot twist, you happen to be a son, I apologize and hope you understand that your mother had always hoped you’d be a girl, without getting offended.
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