On Sluts, Bitches and Whores.

words

Someone hits you with a weapon and drags you down the street.

You bleed.

You fall down on your knees, whimpering and trembling. You know that help is only one call away, but you cannot find your voice. You slowly crawl out to the streets, and you collapse as soon as you manage to find help. They take you, rush you to the hospital, and finally you’re treated. Time passes, the scars fade away and you heal.

Someone hits you with words, and drags you down to their level, and beats you there with experience.

They haven’t broken your bones, but they’ve broken your spirit. They snatch away your composure, make your confidence shrivel and you roll up into a ball of damage and hurt. They’ve eroded your self esteem, leaving you fearful and like everything was your fault, but in the end it wasn’t. It was abuse.

Let’s be clear. You are not all that is thrown at you. You are being abused, and verbal abuse is just as bad as any other form of abuse.

And in fact, unlike physical abuse, the scars of verbal abuse are not visible. They can be difficult to identify, but they stay and they stay for life.

You can call a woman in your workplace or your home cheap, mean things, and while that reflects on the kind of upbringing that you’ve had, it also reflects on how you see yourself, and not the woman you are cussing at.

We talk about  physical abuse. We know hitting a woman is wrong. But little do we know that the hidden hurt, left by verbal abuse strikes much, much deeper.

I know this it is kind of late to be up and writing here, but it’s been a tough day for me, and I know that the only way to let my steam off these days, is to write it out, cuz it’s hard to guess what people might turn into.

A few hours ago, I had a classmate throw a very cheap comment while the entire batch was discussing about an important issue going on in the class.

What worried me wasn’t the words he used. It was the fact that he justified and took credit for all the filth that came out of his mouth this night, and he did not even have the courtesy to apologize.

It’s disheartening, when you find such uncivilized actions, being justified, with arrogance and pride.

When confronted by other classmates, all that the abuser had to say was this: ‘I was in a bad mood today, and I was already mad.’ and ‘If I wanted,  I could’ve cursed at her more, but I didn’t, right?’ and several other infuriatingly lethargic replies, as if he was doing us a favor.

Men use cheap language when they feel spineless and cannot defend themselves with right action and justifications. And men use cheap language when they feel their vocabulary dwindling and that they cannot let a woman speak sense into their minds.

Verbal abuse is a difficult emotional problem, that we seldom speak of.

I know I have a reasonable number of followers here, and I want to know of your opinion. What would you do, if you find someone verbally abusing a girl, in private or in front of  while bunch of people, just because she spoke of her opinion?

Why is it that a girl, who is your classmate and colleague, suddenly becomes a whore, slut or a bitch, just because she defended her opinion, just as much as you did?

What do you think is the problem here, with our men, and especially in our country, that we think verbal abuse, especially pertaining to a woman, is considered casual and they do not even have the courtesy to take responsibility?

All that I have to say to them is this:

Your mother must be so proud of you right now.

Good night.

XOXO,

Bala.

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24 Comments

    1. Hey Ajaz, thank you for your comment. But the idea isn’t to get compliments, I want to know what you think of this issue as an individual. The idea is to spread awareness 🙂

      Thanks again, Buddy.
      .

  1. Well! First of all it’s Ajaz, yes I do agree with ur word’s….. This isn’t new in India… Every day I hear such incident in net or else in the news…..but the thing is why….well I guess…it’s bcoz we r living in a society….. A society full with people who r so obsessed with their own world….. In today’s world we don’t have TM for all this drama…. We hardly care for others…. Until n unless we have something to gain out of it…..we like to make things use to….we don’t like to protest…. We don’t want to go against the system…. This is we….well! We may be the most selfish being on our planet…..

  2. In my opinion verbal abuse is not just confined to any specific gender , or for that matter, reserved for any. But it is used widely by people lacking wit and humour.

  3. Bala.. my girl.. This is such a powerful post..
    And if I have to shoot an opinion, we are living in a world where abuse is the best way to make people shut their mouth. But they are not realizing how much that hurts a heart. I loved that quote in the pic.. Its absolutely true!! Stay away from such uncultured minds who abuses according to the mood swings.. ❤

  4. I’d blame it all on their stupid pride of physical brawn and machismo, my bae. They have this huge ego that they are out sweating their life to get bread on the table that they are under the impression women lack intelligence because they happen to be ‘safely enclosed in walls’?

    (Disclaimer to people reading this comment: I am not accusing all men, so I advise you not to be offended. You yourself know how there are certain chauvinistic idiots you hate, don’t you? So we’re on the same team)

    Coming back to my point, they also think what women say is wrong because they don’t get out much and have no wisdom. They just don’t listen! When a women’s words strikes them as ‘Maaaaaybe she’s right’, they flare up and yell her down because he needs to get the last word in and end the ordeal. It’s based on their insecurity of knowledge, bae. That anger that they don’t know as much as they assume causes them to scream profanities to cover it all up. I’ve witnessed this so this comment came from a sensitive feminist nerve that got hit 😀 They say women are hormonal and have awful mood swings but the opposite sex suffers the same and won’t admit it. That’s where it all comes from.

    1. I don’t think Men think that we are ‘Safely Enclosed inside the Walls’ Ishu….
      In fact, with more women joining the workforce, and challenging them, I think they’re threatened by us. What’s sad is that such incidents take place in the Workplace as much as they do at home. It’s pathetic. And I have to secons that third line! I think that right there is fundamentally the problem. They hate to admit that we are right.

      1. Yep, you’re absolutely right. They feel kind of daunted by the challenge in offices. And all the feminism rights that’s become a modern trend now. Lots and lots of women are standing up for themselves, right? As opposed to the olden days. And also, Bala, women have started to read soooo much that has begun to scare them 😀 I recently started watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S okay, and there was this funny scene where Joey or Chandler, can’t remember who, went ‘NEVER date a women who reads!’ Lol. This reminded me of that 😀

      2. Oh my God, have you seen all seasons of FRIENDS? XD I’ve still got three episodes of season two 😀 And lolling so hard!! Joey and Chandler epic combo. Ross and Rachel sizzling couple. Monica the uptight mother hen. And Phoebe the eccentrically adorable sweetheart! 😀 I never thought I’d love a series equally as the Suite Life 😀

      3. Yes, darling. I’ve been watching all ten seasons over and over again ever since I was in the 12th holidays!!
        Infact, I’ve been hanging around with people who get my F.R.I.E.N.D.S. obsession and references all through UG and PG. In fact right now, my roomies and I have a ritual of ordering Pizza every Friday and Binge Watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S!
        It’s a cult, with million and millions of die hard fans 🙂

        And I’m no exception.

        P.S. You should try watching Modern Family and The Big Bang theory as well, if you like friends. You’ll like ‘Em 🙂

      4. Haha, excellent! I’ve joined the club now too 😀 Just love it to bits ❤ We're having a F.R.I.E.N.D.S binge when we meet, okay? Devouring the episodes and junk food at the same time, I've been wanting to do that for so long! 😀 ❤ I'll watch those after I finish this series, I'm currently done with episode four of season 3 😀 So excited what will happen next and next. And I'm soooo glad Monica let go of that father-alike guy Richard. Krishna, he really creeped me out 😀

  5. You asked what I would do when I witness the crime on the spot.
    I want very much to tell you what I have always been doing. But, on reading this post, I really can’t. It’s not that I do the wrong thing, but that your post has made me realise that I really hadn’t been just before. Let me tell you what I think I SHOULD do in such a situation and then I can go on to describe the injustice.
    I should point out to the offender that he/she is being a deaf post about the whole affair and conduct the parties involved to a rational, balanced conversation after a sincere apology has been conveyed by the offender. How I am to achieve this would be an on-the-spot decision depending on the people involved. I have no idea if this plan would be feasible or even probable. But, it is the only way to the justice I can see.
    I am quite ashamed to say that, before today, I would have turned the abuse spout onto the offender myself. He/She would have received the ultimate dose of their own medicine and been forced out of the picture the next instant. I have always justified myself by the fact that the offender should deserve such a punishment without regarding the hurt, parallel to the one they have caused themselves, perpetuating there.
    I know now that such people would never learn the lesson if this happens.
    I know now that they would keep up the abuse at the next incident as well.
    I know now they would keep hurting those innocents into misery and broken spirits.

      1. 🙂 🙂 You haven’t been doing it wrong. You were trying to spare someone’s feelings, even though they never cared the same, and that’s okay. In fact, I think you’ve just given me an idea for my next blog post 🙂

  6. Again, I stress on saying my comment is targeted at male chauvinists. Because we have to know a lot of men respect women and vice versa, Bala 🙂 Women are known to get riled for nonsense stuff too, right? They can yell profanities to mask their reduced knowledge too. There’s this insane wife in the next apartment who shakes the entire building with her screeches sometimes. Pots and pans fly and clang, and she verbally abuses her poor husband who can make neither head nor tail of what her problem is.

    It’s like a balanced equation in the homo sapiens 🙂 Both sides have faults. The thing is to ignore these idiots (both men and women) and go on with our life and focus on what we’re doing. Don’t let verbal abuse degrade you at all. Because warriors take only the good things in life and become successful, just like you, bae ❤

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